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Fine Lines

The line between me and okay is an unstable slippery slope

The line between me and okay is paved with uncertainty

and crippling anxiety

It sits on a road built precariously

with concrete laid by I’m fines and I’m okays

And smiles stretched out so wide my cheeks quiver from holding back the shadows in my eyes

You see, my heart aches

But the distance between my brain and mouth stretches as I struggle to spit out words and emotions sitting on the tip of my tongue

In my head, I’m a poet, a hero, a protagonist

I can be anything and everything

But there is something that happens at the bridge between the thoughts in my head coming out as words from my mouth,

that makes them lose their wings, their momentum and either lose their confidence to appear or come out in shameful stutters

But these same word that weigh on my tongue as though held hostage by an admission price I don’t have the currency for,

when written down release chains, both of my own and borrowed

There’s a bouncer in the gap between my pen and paper

waiting for a cover charge which is paid with each stroke

Teaching me that at times,

the admission price for my healing is paid by words

And as I write these words

I grow stronger until I can speak them into existence

And re-construct the road between me and being okay

So that it can withstand the weight of a healing journey

that might be a few generations overdue



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