The line between me and okay is an unstable slippery slope
The line between me and okay is paved with uncertainty
and crippling anxiety
It sits on a road built precariously
with concrete laid by I’m fines and I’m okays
And smiles stretched out so wide my cheeks quiver from holding back the shadows in my eyes
You see, my heart aches
But the distance between my brain and mouth stretches as I struggle to spit out words and emotions sitting on the tip of my tongue
In my head, I’m a poet, a hero, a protagonist
I can be anything and everything
But there is something that happens at the bridge between the thoughts in my head coming out as words from my mouth,
that makes them lose their wings, their momentum and either lose their confidence to appear or come out in shameful stutters
But these same word that weigh on my tongue as though held hostage by an admission price I don’t have the currency for,
when written down release chains, both of my own and borrowed
There’s a bouncer in the gap between my pen and paper
waiting for a cover charge which is paid with each stroke
Teaching me that at times,
the admission price for my healing is paid by words
And as I write these words
I grow stronger until I can speak them into existence
And re-construct the road between me and being okay
So that it can withstand the weight of a healing journey
that might be a few generations overdue